your other half 'map of the world'

Thank You Allah for the spouse that I have now....

I  am flabbergasted (= very great suprise).........................u see, my spouse is a typical malay man, who seldom or difficult to express his love towards his loved ones, esp his partner. But his action  made me realized that, action do speak louder than words.  Maybe I should ask him to draw me what is actually his 'map of the world' . What is map of the world? I 'll post it in another board...

 from this link on how to save your marriage:-

http://www.1lovespirit.com/relationship-nlp-presupposition.html

Understanding NLP Presuppositions give you an added advantage in dealing with relationship challenges.

    The map is not the territory.

Our mental maps of the world are not the world. We respond to our maps, rather than directly to the world. Mental maps, especially feelings and interpretations, can be updated more easily than the world can be changed.

Application to Relationships

How well are you able to appreciate your partner's map of the world. Do you often think of your map as the absolute reality?

    Experience has a structure.

Our thoughts and memories have a pattern to them. When we change that pattern or structure, our experience will automatically change. We can neutralize unpleasant memories and enrich memories that will serve us.

Application to Relationships

NLP Technique called Strategy Elicitation can uncover your thought patterns. When you know the patterns, you can then make changes to them. The changes, then, produce the desired behavior.

If one person can do something, anyone can learn to do it.We can learn an achiever's mental map and make it our own. Too many people think certain things are impossible without ever going out and trying them. Pretend that everything is possible. When there is a physical or environmental limit, the world of experience will let you know about it.

Application to Relationships

Do you often wish you could react in a calm manner when your partner disagrees with you? Perhaps you know of a very patient friend. Using NLP, you can model your friend's patient composure.

The mind and body are parts of the same system.Our thoughts instantly affect our muscle tension, breathing, feelings, and more, and these in turn affect our thoughts. When we learn to change either one, we have learned to change the other.

Application to Relationships

You can know what your spouse is feeling by modeling his posture and facial expression as closely as possible. Remember, words only constitute 7% of communication, tonality 38% and body language 55%.

Observe your own posture when you respond to conflict situations. By changing your posture, you can change the state of your mind, so that you can respond in a more desirable way.

People already have all the resources they need.Mental images, inner voices, sensations, and feelings are the basic building blocks of all our mental and physical resources. We can use them to build up any thought, feeling, or skill we want. and then place them in our lives where we want or need them most.

Application to Relationships

This is one way of saying that we all have the inner wisdom, lying in our unconscious mind, to find solutions to our problems.

You cannot NOT communicate.We are always communicating, at least nonverbally, and words are often the least important part. A sigh, a smile, and a look are all communications. Even our thoughts are communications with ourselves, and they are revealed to others through our eyes. voice tones, postures, and body movements.

Application to Relationships

Understanding your spouse's non-verbal communication can help you relate and respond to your spouse better.

The meaning of your communication is the response you get.

Others receive what we say and do through their mental map of the world. When someone hears something different from what we meant, it's a chance for us to notice that communication means what is received. Noticing how our communication is received allows us to adjust it, so that next time it can be clearer.

Application to Relationships

Do you often use the same strategy of getting your message through, even if your spouse's response is not what you desire? Do you blame your spouse if the message does not get through? Do you think that blaming your spouse can invite a better response? How then can you use your creativity to change your communication strategy, such that you invoke a more desirable response in your spouse?

Underlying every behavior is a positive intention.Every hurtful, harmful, and even thoughtless behavior had a positive purpose in its original situation. Yelling in order to be acknowledged. Hitting to fend off danger. Hiding to feel safe. Rather than condoning or condemning these actions, we can separate them from the person's positive intent, so that new, updated, and more positive choices can be added that meet the same intent.

Application to Relationships

Understand that there is a positive intention behind your spouse's actions. Granted, the behavior serving the positive intention may be undesirable. Find out the positive intention of your spouse's behavior, acknowledge it and work out another solution that serves the positive intentions.

    People are always making the best choice(s) available to them.

    Every one of us has his or her own unique personal history. Within it, we learned what to do and how to do it, what to want and how to want it, what to value and how to value it, what to learn and how to learn it. This is our experience. From it, we must make all of our choices; that is, until new and better ones are added.

Application to Relationship

Understand that your spouse is behaving in a certain way, due to his own personal history and the unconscious resources available to him. The same applies to you.

If what you are doing isn't working, do something else. Do anything else.

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten. If you want something new, do something new, especially when there are so many alternatives.

Application to Relationships

How many times have your tried the same strategy again and again to work on your relationship, even if it fails to produce results? If a strategy worked 10 years ago or if it worked for someone else, that does not mean it will work now or that it will work for you . So if one strategy does not produce the results that you want in your relationship,  try another. Keep trying until you get your desired results. Be flexible. However, ensure that your strategy fits with your values and beliefs.

 p/s : I personally love this pic,all heads becometh one :-) and the young boy looks like my no 5, except for the blue eyes :-)

arenacreative.com

Q:What do you really want from your spouse?

Q: What do you really want from your existing relationship?